I would not call up
those old days again today,
and hold myself back,
and yet within my own heart
there is a sadness in it

Meaning

I try today not to call the old days to mind, and hold myself back—and still, within, there is a sadness.

Commentary

Part One: Sakaki

　Attending her daughter to the palace, Miyasudokoro thought as she stepped into the palanquin of the days when her late father had cherished her beyond measure. She had married the Heir Apparent at sixteen, lost him at twenty, and at thirty was seeing the palace again. Thinking over all that, she spoke this poem to herself. Afterward the Priestess received the parting comb from the Emperor, and the party set out for Ise.

　"Sono kami" is the past, that former time. "Kakeji" is a resolve not to speak of it, not to let the mind touch it. The upper lines state the restraint and the lower lines turn on its failure. Standing in the middle of a brilliant ceremony, holding a feeling she can share with no one, she puts exactly that into the shape of a poem.

Author

Murasaki Shikibu

Source

Genji Monogatari

Other

I would not call up those old days again today, and hold myself back, and yet within my own heart there is a sadness in it

I would not call up
those old days again today,
and hold myself back,
and yet within my own heart
there is a sadness in it