Though I give myself
to the heart that longs for the
dead, will I but stray,
not seeing her, at the fords—
the three fords—of that river?
- Meaning
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Though I follow the heart that longs for the dead, will I only lose my way—not seeing her—at the three fords of that river?
- Commentary
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Part One: Asagao
Having dreamed of Fujitsubo, Genji came to feel that her resentment—that he had brought "suffering" upon her—was because, through their own sin, she could not wash away the world's defilement; and he grieved deeply. He wished he might somehow visit the world where she was and take her sin upon himself. But to hold special rites for the dead would rouse suspicion, and he shrank from waking the Emperor's doubt, so he could only pray in secret to Amida Buddha. Thinking of himself as one who could not hope to be reborn on the same lotus with her, Genji spoke this solitary poem.
"The dead" is the late Fujitsubo. "Giving myself to the heart that longs" means following her, led by his longing. "Not seeing her form" is: unable even to see her. "The three fords" plays "water's ford" against "the three fords," the river of the dead. "Will I stray" is: I shall surely lose my way. Not being husband and wife, the two cannot be reborn on the same lotus in paradise; and though he follows the longing of his heart, he will only wander at the river of the dead, unable to find her—a poem filled with that despair. With it the chapter of Asagao closes.
- Author
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Murasaki Shikibu
- Source
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Genji Monogatari
- Other
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Gathering it all,
on a snow-threatening night
when the past is dear,
the mandarin duck at its
floating sleep adds its sad note.
-
On a winter night,
no easy sleep, and waking
lonely—how brief was
that dream, all tangled and choked,
that came and was gone so soon.
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Could I have foreseen,
as the river's waves turn back,
that this cleansing rite
would find you worn and faded
in the wisteria of grief
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The mourning robes went
on but yesterday, I thought,
and today already
the rite, the shallows—a world
that shifts and will not hold still