My own self has turned
into a thing I was not,
and even so, you—
you who feign to know nothing—
you are the man you have been

Meaning

I myself have turned into something I was not; and you, feigning to know nothing, are still the very man you always were.

Commentary

Part Two: Wakana Ge

　At the Nijo residence Murasaki no Ue took a sudden turn and stopped breathing. The house was thrown into an uproar, and word of her death spread through the capital. Genji judged it the work of a spirit and had the rites kept up without a break. The spirit then passed into a medium, showed itself, and named itself as the woman who had been the Rokujo lady. It said it resented Genji for having spoken ill of her to Murasaki no Ue. This poem was spoken then. The prayers took effect, Murasaki revived, and afterward Genji spared nothing in her care, even having the five precepts administered to her.

　"A thing I was not" is a form other than the one she had, that is, what she has become as a spirit. "Even so" turns from herself to him. "Feign to know nothing" is knowing and pretending otherwise, and it goes straight at his manner. "You are the man you have been" is flat and final, setting what she has become against what he has not. The attachment of her lifetime survives even in her choice of words, and among the possession scenes in the tale this poem is the most disturbingly alive.

Author

Murasaki Shikibu

Source

Genji Monogatari

Other

My own self has turned into a thing I was not, and even so, you— you who feign to know nothing— you are the man you have been

My own self has turned
into a thing I was not,
and even so, you—
you who feign to know nothing—
you are the man you have been