When did I learn it,
this heart of mine—that of late
it finds itself so
full of longing for the folk
of the great palace once more
- Meaning
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When did this heart of mine learn it—that of late it should be so full of longing for the people of the palace?
- Commentary
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The Initiates' Chapter: The Death of the Empress
When the empress had finished her long account, the cloistered emperor drew breath and said that Xuanzang had seen the six realms before his enlightenment, and that in Japan the holy man Nichizō had seen them by the power of Zaō Gongen, but that to see them with one's own eyes as she had was a rare thing indeed.
Before long a bell announced the evening. There was much still to say and the parting was hard, but at last he left the hut and started back for the capital.
Watching until his palanquin was hidden among the trees of the valley, the empress found the splendor of the past, which she had put out of mind, coming back to her one thing after another. On the sliding door of the hut she wrote two poems. This is the first.
Itsu naraite ka asks: when did I learn this? Longing had settled in her without her knowing.
What is distinctive is that she treats missing the past as a skill one acquires by practice. Having taken vows and given her days to the nembutsu, she ought not to be longing for anything; and yet somewhere she learned how. She looks at her own heart as though it belonged to someone else.
The cause is the visit. Someone came from the capital, reminded her of the capital, and went away. Being visited brought back a longing she had managed to forget. The man who came to console her opened the wound.
Ōmiyabito are those who served at court: the house that went into the sea, and the woman she used to be.
kono koro wa……of late.
itsu naraite ka……when did I learn it?
waga kokoro……my own heart.
ōmiyabito……those who served at the palace.
koishikaruran……must be longing.
shōji……a sliding partition.
Genjō Sanzō……the pilgrim Xuanzang.
Nichizō Shōnin……a monk of Yoshino.
rokudō……the six realms of rebirth.
kango……the return of a sovereign.
- Source
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Heike Monogatari
- Other
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