Wabinureba ima wa to mono o omoedomo kokoro ni ninu wa namida narikeri

English Translation

Grief has worn me down
and I tell myself: no more
yet the one thing here
that will not obey my heart
is the tears that keep falling

Meaning

I have grieved myself out, and I tell myself that this must be the end of it. Yet the one thing that will not do as my heart tells it are these tears.

Commentary

5 Tears That Will Not Obey

The former Crown Prince had died, and Taifu could think of nothing but her grief. Then the day came for the Empress to be raised to her rank, and because such mourning was held to be ill-omened, Taifu was kept out of sight. This is the poem she composed and sent out. The prose says no more, and the section consists of this single poem.
The former Crown Prince means the heir apparent who had died. The Empress is the woman raised to that rank on the day in question. Of Taifu the prose records nothing but the name.
The investiture of an empress was an occasion of state rejoicing, and the presence of anyone in mourning was thought to spoil it. The setting is the palace, at no great distance in time from the prince's death.
What prompted the poem was being kept from sight on the day of the investiture. It comes out of a position in which open grief was not permitted.
The section ends with the poem; no response and no later event is recorded. The poem was later included in the Shinchokusen-shū.

The first line puts the exhaustion of grief first, and its grammar makes that exhaustion the reason for what follows: she has grieved herself out, and so —
The middle states her resolve to have done with it, with a phrase meaning from this point on and no further. The concessive that follows announces in advance that the resolve will fail.
The last line sets the tears against that resolve as the one thing that will not comply. Heart and tears are separated, and the tears are placed on the side of what cannot be governed.
She does not plead her sorrow; she says only that it is beyond her control. The phrase about their not resembling her heart tells precisely because she is in a place where she is not even allowed to be seen weeping.

Source

Yamato Monogatari

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