Karakushite oshimitometaru inochi mote au koto o sae yamamu to ya suru

English Translation

With this life of mine
that I have barely managed
to hold on to, would
you put an end to even
our meeting, on top of that

Meaning

With this life I have barely managed to hold on to, would you put an end to our meeting as well?

Commentary

119 No Voice but the Bird's

To the same woman as in the previous section, Fujiwara no Saneki, once Governor of Michinoku and now dead, sent a poem. This was when his illness had grown grave and had then eased a little. He sent "Karakushite oshimitometaru inochi mote au koto o sae yamamu to ya suru", and her reply was "Morotomo ni iza to wa iwade Shide no yama nadoka wa hitori koemu to wa seshi". But on the night he went to her he could not see her, some obstacle perhaps having arisen; and the next morning, having gone home, he sent "Akatsuki wa naku yūtsuke no wabigoe ni otoranu ne o zo nakite kaerishi", and her reply was "Akatsuki no nezame no mimi ni kikishikado tori yori hoka no koe wa sezariki". That is the whole of the section.
Fujiwara no Saneki served as Governor of Michinoku. The woman is the Elder Lady of Kan'in of the hundred and eighteenth section. That these poems appear in the personal collection of Minamoto no Saneakira is thought to be a confusion arising from the similarity of the two men's names.
The setting is the period when his illness had grown grave and then eased.
What prompted the poem was that respite: he pleads to see her with a life just recovered.
She answered with a poem of her own, and the section goes on to the exchange after the night he could not see her.

The first phrase means with great difficulty, barely — the same words as in the hundred and fifth section.
What he has held on to is a life kept back from ending: he has come through a grave illness.
The particle in the third line means with, by means of — with a life only just secured.
The closing adds meeting to the reckoning with a particle meaning even, and asks in a question whether she means to end that too. Behind it lies the claim that the life was held on to for the sake of meeting her.

Source

Yamato Monogatari

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