Omoedomo kai nakarubemi shinoureba tsurenaki tomo ya hito no miruramu

English Translation

Since caring for a-
nyone would come to nothing
I keep it hidden —
and people, I suppose, take
me for a heartless woman

Meaning

Since caring for anyone would come to nothing, I keep it hidden; and people, I suppose, take me for a heartless woman.

Commentary

142 While I Wait Out This Life

The eldest daughter of the late Lady of the Bedchamber was a woman of unusual feeling, and composed better than her brothers and sisters. Her mother died when she was young and she was brought up by a stepmother, so that things did not go as she would have wished, and she composed "Arihatenu inochi matsu ma no hodo bakari uki koto shigeku nagekazu mogana". Breaking off a spray of plum, she also composed "Kakaru ka no aki mo kawarazu nioi seba haru koishi chō nagame semashi ya". She was so accomplished and so interesting a woman that many men courted her, but she would not even answer them. When her father and stepmother pressed her, saying that a woman does not end her life alone and that she might at least reply now and then, she said only "Omoedomo kai nakarubemi shinoureba tsurenaki tomo ya hito no miruramu" and fell silent. Her parents wished to see her married, but she said always that she would never take a husband, and died unmarried at twenty-nine. That is the whole of the section.
Of the Lady of the Bedchamber the prose gives nothing beyond the title; the poet is her eldest daughter, brought up by a stepmother. Some hold that she, like the Yoshiie of the preceding section, is an invented figure.
The setting is the period when many men courted her and she would not even answer.
What prompted the poem was her father and stepmother pressing her, saying that a woman does not end her life alone and that she might at least reply now and then. She said only this and fell silent.
The section then closes with the account of her parents' wish to see her married, her constant refusal, and her death unmarried at twenty-nine.

The opening gives her reason: caring would come to nothing, and the grammar marks that as the cause.
What follows is keeping it hidden. It is not that she has no feeling, only that she does not show it.
The fourth line supposes that people take her for cold, in the form of a question.
The closing leaves that supposition standing. Silence is not indifference but the knowledge that nothing will come of speaking. To her parents' reproach she offers neither excuse nor argument, only the question of how she is seen — and the prose's remark that she said this one thing and fell silent conveys her temper exactly.

Source

Yamato Monogatari

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