Arasoeba omoi ni waburu amagumo ni mazu soru taka zo kanashikarikeru

English Translation

When we fell to words,
unable to bear our thoughts,
it was the hawk that
first took its leave for the clouds —
first shaved its head, and it grieves me.

Meaning

When we fell to arguing, unable to bear our thoughts, it was the hawk that first went off toward the clouds — that first took the tonsure; and that is what grieves me.

Commentary

47 Setting the Hawk Free

The intervals had grown longer still, and brooding on it she could think of nothing but how she might, of her own will, take vows. Only her one child made her sad: she had thought that if he were settled and put in the care of some dependable woman she might be easy, but when she wondered what state of mind he would wander in she found she could not after all bring herself to die. Wondering whether she might try changing her form and see if she could put the world from her, she spoke of it to the boy; and though he was still too young to understand much, he wept in great gulping sobs and said that if she did so he would become a monk himself, for what would he have to do with the world? — and he sobbed and sobbed. She could not hold back her own tears, but it was too much, and to turn it into a joke she said: and what will you do about your hawk? At that the boy got quietly up, ran out, and cut the tethered hawk loose. Those who saw could not keep back their tears either. Still less could she, who felt she could not get through the day; and a poem came to her. Toward evening a letter appeared, but supposing it to be nothing but falsehood she sent back only that she was unwell just then.
The author was a daughter of Fujiwara no Tomoyasu. Kaneie was the third son of Fujiwara no Morosuke and would rise to be regent and chancellor. The boy is her son Fujiwara no Michitsuna. A hawk is kept tethered on a perch for hunting, and this one was the boy's own.
It is autumn in the first year of Tenroku, and the place is the author's dwelling.
When the author spoke of taking vows, the boy wept aloud and said that if she did so he would become a monk himself. The thing being too much, she tried to turn it into a joke and asked what he would do about his hawk; whereupon he rose, ran out, and cut the bird loose. This poem came to her then.
Toward evening a letter came from Kaneie, but taking it for empty words she sent back only that she was unwell just now.

The opening means: when we fell to arguing, and points to mother and son disputing over her taking vows. The second means that the thoughts were more than could be borne. The word in the third is the cloud of heaven and also the word for a nun, the same play used in the first book at "Okuyama no omoiyari dani kanashiki ni mata amagumo no kakaru nani nari." The sky into which the loosed hawk flies is itself the way of renunciation. The verb in the fourth means both that a bird breaks away and flies off and that one shaves the head, and the poem turns on it: the first to take the tonsure was neither mother nor son but the hawk, which has left the world ahead of them both. The close is bound by an emphatic particle and states the grief outright. The whole scene — a weeping boy cutting his hawk loose — is folded into a single pivot, and it is among the best known poems in the diary.

Author

The Mother of Fujiwara no Michitsuna

Source

Kagero Nikki

Other