Kokoro ni mo aranu waga mi no yukikaeri michi no sora nite kienubeki kana - Shin Kokin Wakashu(English Translation & Meaning)

心にもあらぬ我が身の行き帰り
道の空にて消えぬべきかな

Roma-ji: Kokoro ni mo aranu waga mi no yukikaeri michi no sora nite kienubeki kana
English Translation: Against my own heart
this self of mine goes and comes,
going and coming;
somewhere on the way between
I feel I must fade away
Meaning: Against the wishes of my own heart I go to you and come back again without meeting, and I feel I will fade away somewhere along the road.
Commentary: Book Thirteen Love Poems III 1170

Headnote: "Topic unknown."
This is the fourth poem of the sequence on parting at dawn. Going and returning against the wishes of his own heart, he feels he will fade away somewhere along the road. The headnote gives no topic, and the circumstances of composition are not recorded.
The author, "Michinobu Ason," is Fujiwara no Michinobu. A son of the Chancellor Fujiwara no Tamemitsu, he was adopted by Fujiwara no Kaneie and died young. He is one of the Later Thirty-Six Poetic Immortals.

The first line, "kokoro ni mo," means "even to my own heart."
The second line, "aranu waga mi no," means "of this self, against my heart." Together with the first line, it shows a self that must go home against its wishes. Like "yasuraikanete" in the preceding poem, it is the lament of one who returns without meeting.
The third line, "yukikaeri," means "going and coming back." Taking up "kaerinishi kana" from the preceding poem, it becomes the lament of one who goes and returns again and again.
The fourth line, "michi no sora nite," means "midway on the road." "Sora" means "on the way," while also suggesting an absent, distracted heart.
The last line, "kienubeki kana," means "I feel I must fade away." "Nubeshi" is a strong conjecture, and this image of the self fading away leads into the poems that follow, of a self vanishing like dew.
Author: Fujiwara no Michinobu
Source: Shin Kokin Wakashu
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