classic waka stream

すべもなく苦しくあれば出で走り
去ななと思へどこらに障りぬ
Roma-ji

Sube mo naku kurushiku areba idehashiri inana to omoedo kora ni sayarinu

English Translation
Helpless as I am,
and so wretched in my pain,
I would rush outside
and be gone — so I think, but
my children hold me back
Meaning
I am so helpless and in such pain that I think I will run out and be gone, but my children hold me back.
Commentary
Book Five Miscellaneous Poems 899

Headnote continued from the preceding poem: "Seven poems on suffering for years from grave illness in old age, and on thinking of my children: one long, six short"
The poet says that in helpless pain he thinks of running out and being gone, but his children hold him back. It frankly expresses the conflict between suffering so great he thinks of death and his love for his children.
This is one of the tanka among seven poems on suffering for years from grave illness in old age and on thinking of one's children; the seven consist of one long poem and six tanka. The long poem laments that although one would wish life to be peaceful to its end, illness has been added to old age, so that the poet sighs by day and groans by night, and though he thinks of dying he cannot bring himself to abandon his noisy children. The left note dates it to the third day of the sixth month of Tenpyō 5.
The poet, Yamanoue no Okura, was an official who went to Tang China as a junior secretary with the embassy appointed in Taihō 1. After his return he served as Governor of Hōki and in the household of the Crown Prince, and late in the Jinki era he was posted to Tsukushi as Governor of Chikuzen. He is known for poems rooted in everyday life, on the sufferings of human existence, love for family, and poverty, written against a background of learning in Chinese classics and Buddhist scripture.

First line, "sube mo naku": "helplessly."
Second line, "kurushiku areba": "because I suffer," giving the reason.
Third line, "idehashiri": "rushing out of the house."
Fourth line, "inana to omoedo": "inu" means to go away, here to die, and "na" expresses intent: though I think to be gone.
Fifth line, "kora ni sayarinu": "kora" are his children, and "sayaru" means to be hindered. Taking up the long poem's "I cannot die and abandon my noisy children," it shows love for his children keeping him from death.
Author
Yamanoue no Okura
Source
Manyoshu
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