Toshi kurete waga yo fukeyuku kaze no oto ni kokoro no uchi no susamajiki kana - Murasaki Shikibu Nikki(English Translation & Meaning)

年暮れてわが世更け行く風の音に
心の中のすさまじきかな

Roma-ji: Toshi kurete waga yo fukeyuku kaze no oto ni kokoro no uchi no susamajiki kana
English Translation: The year draws to its close,
my life grows late as the night deepens,
and at the wind's sound
how bleak and desolate it is
within the depths of my heart
Meaning: The year is ending, and as the night grows late so too does my life grow old; hearing the howling wind, I find my heart cold and desolate.
Commentary: 30 Court Service at Year's End

On the twenty-ninth day of the twelfth month of Kankō 5 (1008), Murasaki returned to court from her home. It was on this same night, the twenty-ninth of the twelfth month, that she had first entered service, and recalling how lost she had felt then, as if wandering along a dream path, she was repelled at how thoroughly she had now grown used to court. The night was very late; since the Empress was observing a period of abstinence, Murasaki did not go before her but lay down in low spirits. She overheard the ladies nearby remarking in a flirtatious tone that the palace was different after all: at home they would be asleep by now, but here the footsteps never ceased.
Murasaki is thought to have first entered the service of Empress Shōshi on the twenty-ninth of the twelfth month in Kankō 2 (1005) or the following year.
Disgusted at how accustomed she had become to court life and forlorn on that year-end night, she overheard the ladies' excited talk, as if they were waiting for men to call, and this moved her to compose the poem.
The poem was not sent to anyone; it is recorded as words she murmured to herself. The narrative then moves on to the robbery at the palace on New Year's Eve.
It was included in the Winter section of the Gyokuyō Wakashū as Murasaki Shikibu's work.

The first line, "the year draws to its close," marks the end of the year. In the second line, "yo" means both the night and one's own lifetime, so that "growing late" applies at once to the deepening night and her advancing age. The third line means "hearing the sound of the wind," the wind raging on a winter night.
In the lower verses, "susamajiki" describes a heart cold, cheerless and desolate, and the poem closes in an exclamation. Set against the ladies' delight at the sound of footsteps, the poem joins the loneliness of growing older and her estrangement from court life to the sound of the wind, reflecting Murasaki's inner world.
Author: Murasaki Shikibu
Source: Murasaki Shikibu Nikki
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