Shitagaeba mi o ba sutetemu kokoro ni mo kanawade tomaru na koso oshikere - Kinyo Wakashu(English Translation & Meaning)

従へば身をば捨ててむ心にも
かなはでとまる名こそ惜しけれ

Roma-ji: Shitagaeba mi o ba sutetemu kokoro ni mo kanawade tomaru na koso oshikere
English Translation: If I do your will,
I would gladly cast away
this self of mine, but
the name that stays, against my heart,
that alone is dear to me
Meaning: If I were to yield to you, I would readily throw myself away; it is only the name left behind, against my own wishes, that I hold dear.
Commentary: Book Seven Love Poems I 393

If she yields to the other's wishes she would gladly throw herself away; only the rumor left behind, against her own heart, is something she regrets. In the form of valuing her name above her self, the poem shows a heart that wavers even as it refuses.
Some manuscripts give a headnote saying that it was composed when someone close to her pressed her hard.
Like poem 391 in this book, it sings of regret for a name spread by rumor.

First line, 'shitagaeba', means if I follow, yielding to the other's wishes.
Second line, 'mi o ba sutetemu', means I would throw myself away, the intensive tsu joined to the volitional mu. The poem breaks after the second line.
Third line, 'kokoro ni mo', means even to my own heart.
Fourth line, 'kanawade tomaru', means remaining behind against my wishes, using the negative conjunctive de.
Final line, 'na koso oshikere', means it is my name I hold dear, the particle koso binding with the realis oshikere. It answers 'waga na o oshi' in poem 391 in this book.
Source: Kinyo Wakashu
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