Even this wretched
self, that has watched so much of
the world's impermanence,
does not go so far as to
grieve where others can see it

Meaning

Even this wretched self, who has watched so much of the world's impermanence, does not grieve so far that others can see it.

Commentary

Part Three: Kagero

　Kaoru's reply. Even he, he says, who has seen impermanence so often, does not grieve where it can be noticed, and so states his way of keeping sorrow out of sight. In fact he went on thinking of Ukifune, and the gap between what he feels and what he says is what makes him the man he is. After this exchange the Eight Lectures on the Lotus Sutra were held at Rokujo in memory of Murasaki.

　Tsune nashi is that nothing lasts. Kokora is so much, over so long a time. Uki mi is a wretched self, said in self-deprecation. Nageki ya wa suru is a rhetorical question: he does not grieve so. He receives her sympathy without acknowledging it directly, and the habit of never showing feeling holds here too.

Author

Murasaki Shikibu

Source

Genji Monogatari

Other

Even this wretched self, that has watched so much of the world's impermanence, does not go so far as to grieve where others can see it

Even this wretched
self, that has watched so much of
the world's impermanence,
does not go so far as to
grieve where others can see it