Kimi kouru kokoro no yami o wabitsutsu wa kono yo bakari to omowamashikaba - Senzai Wakashu(English Translation & Meaning)

君恋ふる心の闇をわびつつは
この世ばかりと思はましかば

Roma-ji: Kimi kouru kokoro no yami o wabitsutsu wa kono yo bakari to omowamashikaba
English Translation: If only I could think
that this darkness of the heart,
loving you, I grieve,
would be for this world alone,
how much easier it would be
Meaning: If only I could believe that this darkness of a heart in love with you, which I grieve over so, would last for this world alone, how much easier it would be.
Commentary: Book Fifteen Love Poems V 925

Headnote: "Topic unknown"
Grieving over the darkness of a heart that loves you, she says, if only I could think it was for this world alone. The darkness of a heart lost in love was believed to become a delusion that hinders salvation in the next life. If this anguish ended in this world she could still bear it, but it will surely go on into the next, and breaking off the last line, she leaves the depth of her grief to linger.
The author, "Nijōin no Sanuki," was the daughter of Minamoto no Yorimasa. She served Emperor Nijō and later Gishūmon'in Ninshi, consort of Emperor Go-Toba. A poem of hers is included in the Ogura Hyakunin Isshu.
It shares "kono yo," "this world," with "kono yo ni mata wa" in 904 and "kono yo ni hito o" in 951 of this book. And where 921 and 934 sing of the vanity of vows reaching into the next life, this poem fears that love's delusion will continue into the next life, viewing the same world to come from the opposite direction.

First line, "kimi kouru": "loving you." It is the same opening as "kimi kou to" in the first line of the preceding poem, 924.
Second line, "kokoro no yami o": "kokoro no yami," "the darkness of the heart," is a mind that loses its judgment and goes astray through love or love for a child. It carries the sense of a delusion that hinders salvation in the next life.
Third line, "wabitsutsu wa": "wabu" means to be troubled, and "tsutsu" is a particle of continuation, "even as I grieve."
Fourth line, "kono yo bakari to": "bakari" is restrictive, "for this world alone." It shares "kono yo" with "kono yo ni mata wa" in the fourth line of 904 of this book.
Fifth line, "omowamashikaba": "mashika" is the irrealis of the counterfactual "mashi," and with "ba" it means "if only I could think." It breaks off before the unspoken "how much better it would be."
Author: Nijoin no Sanuki
Source: Senzai Wakashu
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