Kaerite mo iri zo wazurau maki no to o madoi idenishi kokoronarai ni - Senzai Wakashu(English Translation & Meaning)

帰りても入りぞわづらふ槙の戸を
惑ひ出でにし心ならひに

Roma-ji: Kaerite mo iri zo wazurau maki no to o madoi idenishi kokoronarai ni
English Translation: Though I have come back,
how I hesitate to enter
the door of maki wood,
from the habit of a heart
that wandered off astray
Meaning: Even having come home, I hesitate to pass through the door of maki wood, from the habit of a heart that once wandered away.
Commentary: Book Nineteen Buddhist Poems 1219

Headnote: "Composed on the Belief and Understanding chapter of the Lotus Sutra"
This poem was composed on the Belief and Understanding chapter of the Lotus Sutra. The chapter tells the parable of the rich man and his poor son: the son left home as a child and wandered from land to land, and when years later he came back to his father's house he was too afraid of his father's grandeur to go in, until the rich man guided him step by step with skillful means and at last made him heir to his wealth. Though I have come back, I hesitate to enter the door of maki wood, from the habit of a heart that wandered off, he says, entrusting to the poor son the figure of beings who return to the Buddha's house yet cannot enter at once because their hearts are used to delusion.
The author, "Former Archbishop Kakuchū," was a son of the Regent Fujiwara no Tadamichi who, as a Tendai monk, rose to archbishop. He is also known for making the pilgrimage to the thirty-three Kannon temples.

First line, "kaerite mo": "even having come home" to his father's house, the poor son's return.
Second line, "iri zo wazurau": "wazurau" means to find it hard to do, and "zo," an emphatic binding particle, closes with the attributive "wazurau." The poem pauses here.
Third line, "maki no to o": a door made of maki planks, here the door of the rich man's house, the house of the Buddha. By inversion it gives the object of "iri" in the second line.
Fourth line, "madoi idenishi": "ni" is perfective and "shi" the attributive of the past "ki," "that wandered away."
Fifth line, "kokoronarai ni": "kokoronarai" is the habit of the heart, giving the reason for the hesitation in the second line.
Author: Kakuchū
Source: Senzai Wakashu
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