Tsurashi tomo mata koishi tomo samazama ni omou koto koso taezezarikeri - Izumi Shikibu Nikki(English Translation & Meaning)

つらしとも又戀しとも樣々に
思ふ事こそたえせさりけり

Roma-ji: Tsurashi tomo mata koishi tomo samazama ni omou koto koso taezezarikeri
English Translation: Cruel, I think you,
and then again I think you dear;
in so many ways
my thoughts of you go on and on
and never come to an end
Meaning: Now I think you cruel, now I think you dear; my thoughts of you, in so many forms, never cease.
Commentary: 15 The Carriage at the Gate and the Pines of Sue

The night after their moonlit exchange, the prince came to Izumi Shikibu, but she did not know it. Several households lived in different parts of the house, and when his attendant saw the carriage of someone who had come to visit another resident and said, "There seems to be a visitor; there is a carriage," the prince said, "Very well, let us go back," and left. He was displeased to think the rumors were true, yet he had no wish to end things altogether, and so he sent her a letter.
The woman is Izumi Shikibu, daughter of Ōe no Masamune and, as the wife of Tachibana no Michisada, Governor of Izumi, mother of Koshikibu no Naishi. The Prince of the Dazaifu is Prince Atsumichi, fourth son of Emperor Reizei, so called because he served as Governor-General of the Dazaifu.
Even after Izumi Shikibu's reply protesting her innocence, "Kimi o koso sue no matsu to wa omoitsure hitoshinami ni wa tare ka koyubeki," the prince remained vaguely displeased about the night of the carriage at her gate. Only after a long while did he send this poem.
Izumi Shikibu was not without things she might have said, but ashamed to seem too deliberate, she replied only with "Au koto wa tomare kakumare nagekaji o urami taesenu naka to nariseba." Even afterward the prince's visits remained rare.

The opening lines mean "cruel, and again dear," setting two opposing feelings side by side with a repeated particle, and the third line means "in various ways."
The lower verses mean "my thoughts never cease," sealed by an emphatic construction ending in an exclamatory auxiliary. Torn between suspicion and longing, he states his wavering heart without adornment, and coming after a long silence, the poem conveys his feelings all the more candidly.
Author: Prince Atsumichi
Source: Izumi Shikibu Nikki
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