To hide my longing—
I strive to bear it, yet am lost;
I have been overcome—
If, when we meet, it must be so,
Then be it so, come what may.
- Meaning
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Though I try to restrain my longing, I am overcome and give in; if, when we meet, it must be thus, then so be it—I will accept whatever follows.
- Commentary
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65. To Forbear
A woman in attendance who enjoyed the emperor’s favor (and was a cousin of the emperor’s mother) was permitted to wear the forbidden colors and served at the audience-chamber of the . She had known a man of the Ariwara house since youth, and he was allowed access to the inner court.
When the man came to her and they sat facing one another, she warned him, "If we meet here like this, both of us will incur blame and shame and may even be punished. This must not be done." The poem above is the man’s reply to her words: he confesses that, though he tries to restrain his love, he cannot help himself and will meet her even if it brings consequences.
In the Ise Monogatari tradition the man is identified with , and the woman is commonly identified as . Their relationship is thus cast as a dangerous, forbidden liaison: she holds a position at court and is under imperial favor, while he—though noble-born—risks dishonor by persisting. The poem expresses the impetuous passion of youth: reason urges restraint, but longing prevails, and the speaker accepts whatever may follow if only he may meet her.
- Source
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Ise Monogatari
- Other
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