Akezarishi maki no toguchi ni tachinagara tsuraki kokoro no tameshi to zo mishi - Izumi Shikibu Nikki(English Translation & Meaning)

あけさりし槇の戶口に立なから
つらき心のためしとそ見し

Roma-ji: Akezarishi maki no toguchi ni tachinagara tsuraki kokoro no tameshi to zo mishi
English Translation: Before the cypress door
that would not open, there I stood,
waiting all the while,
and saw in it a sure example
of a cold and cruel heart
Meaning: Standing before your cypress door, which would not open, I thought I saw in it a true example of a cruel heart.
Commentary: 8 The Cypress Door Left Shut

After exchanging poems with Izumi Shikibu on her return from the pilgrimage, the prince came to her secretly as before. She had thought he would hardly come and, tired from her recent journey, had dozed off, so no one heard the knocking at the gate. The prince, who had heard certain rumors, wondered whether some other man was there and quietly left.
The woman is Izumi Shikibu, daughter of Ōe no Masamune and, as the wife of Tachibana no Michisada, Governor of Izumi, mother of Koshikibu no Naishi. The Prince of the Dazaifu is Prince Atsumichi, fourth son of Emperor Reizei, so called because he served as Governor-General of the Dazaifu. The Palace Minister whose disapproval he feared was Fujiwara no Kinsue, and the Crown Prince was Atsumichi's elder brother by the same mother, Prince Okisada.
The morning after he went home without the gate being opened, the prince sent this poem, adding, "When I think that this is what heartbreak means, I am deeply saddened."
Realizing that he had come the night before, Izumi Shikibu regretted having fallen thoughtlessly asleep and replied with "Ikade ka wa maki no itado mo sashinagara tsuraki kokoro no ari nashi o min." The prince wished to visit again that night, but his people warned him against such outings, and he held back for fear that the Palace Minister and the Crown Prince would think him frivolous if they heard, so his visits became very rare.

The opening lines mean "at the cypress door that was not opened," with negative and past-tense auxiliaries; the cypress door is the wooden door that, in waka, shuts out a lover's visit. The third line means "standing there."
The lower verses mean "I saw it as an example of a cruel heart," sealed by an emphatic construction. He reproaches her for not opening when he knocked, taking it as a sign of her coldness, while a suspicion that another man was with her also shows through.
Author: Prince Atsumichi
Source: Izumi Shikibu Nikki
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